my dream

Kita pasti punya keinginan ya.. , impian lah..lebih persisnya meskipun kadang-kadang keinginan kita berubah-ubah terus ngikutin situasi hati ato mood. yours trully ini biangnya ganti-ganti keinginan alias labil..sebentar kepengen ini sebentar pengen itu..alhasil nyontek istilah "efa" nich pesenannya ngga dateng2..kayak kita dateng ke restoran nich pesen bakmi goreng..eh ga jadi deng nasi goreng aja..eh ngga jadi soto ayam kayaknya enak nich..udah di catet apa si pelayan berubah lagi..jadi nasi rames... ( ini pasti di warteg dech bukan restoran!!)..kata si pelayan capeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk..dech..

Konon kabarnya kalo demikian keinginan kalo berubah-rubah...ya itu persis kayak cerita di warteg itu ngga terwujud-wujud, nach cerita dari itu maka si mami labil ini pengen "wannabestableperson" yang tau apa yang di kepengenin..dengan diskusi sana diskusi sini...maksud nya ngrumpi sana ngrumpi sini!! baca sana baca sini, akhirnya bikin dech apa yang pengen di capai..dengan rentang waktu berapa lama (caielllllllllleeeeeeeee....suit-suit...), dan kira apa yang mesti di lakukan...ketemulah rumus keinginan 4/4 5K (efa you must know what i mean...we set up this for pretty some time right...?) dan sekarang gimana cara achieve-nya nich...

katanya gini-gini..ngga boleh nyerah..."dont-ever-give-up-dont-ever-quit-motto"..praktek dech nich critanya.., keliatannya di awal2 waduch keliatannya lancar nich .. bakal bisa nich...lho..kok tersendat-tersendat, ngga boleh nyerah..., terus ... maju...kok jadi capek banget dan keteteran nich..wah something wrong kayaknya...terlalu ngotot ampe badan pegel sana pegel sini...apa iya mesti begini nich...?

Kenapa susah ya..?? apa yang aku kepengen ngga ada di menu?? ah masa sih ngga ada di menu? kan masih di dunia...pasti ada lah ya..., pasti satu titik kesimpulan..yang masih belum tersimpul.., i just let it flow, but the dream's still there...

very simple dream...wanna have more time with my children, have time to take care of the house and dear hubby (hubby first? confusing :-) ... recently i felt guilty leaving my children all alone only with our assistants...specially when they are growing up now they need even more attention from me their mum...accompany them doing their home works instead of only checking ..while they were ready to go to bed... :( for some people maybe its not a big deal..but it is for me..so this is my dream for me...a strong one, a very strong or strongest one i guess among any other dream....

is it just me...or its a normal having this feeling...?

Thank you for the friendship...

The only reason that i put this picture is just to say thank you to all my friends at previous office which i share experience so much with them both personally and professionally. It was just like yesterday that i saw you guys everyday...sharing everything as a team, having lunch...hhmm..lot of places..Mie Ayam bawah, Sate ..Bakso di Block S, Padang Uni Taraso..Warung ijo..hhhmm...never been there i always refused to come..i always have a good reason for that " mendingan makan di rumah gue..."..and last but not least Paregu....(kapan nich...?)

Times goes so fast, i had to make the decision..it was really hard but its more about choices..life is about choices right? Leaving you guys was very difficult..the place-where-everyone-knows-my-name, where- i-have-unofficial-mom's-club (enny...yully you are always in my heart ..i love you and i miss the time that we shared together!!) and at the same time i could work professionally and get paid (what's more important than that?)..but things had been changed whether we like it or not..but anyway..there will never be a good reason to end the friendship...

Iam not sure if you read this..but i'd like to....

thank you for your friendship...

thank you for your support during difficult time

thank you for your Love..

thank you for laugh and cry with me...

and

last but not least thank you for home theatre ....

we all enjoy the farewell present....

I love you....

Pertanyaan yang tak dapat terjawab...

Tadi malem..pas lagi belajar sama si kakak.., ade bebas dech tuh..karna memang masih TK ya de' masa mau belajar..he..he..

si kakak tanya dech sama mami...

+ mami sayang kakak ngga?
- sayang dong..masa tanya gitu?
+ sayang mana nugra apa kakak?
- dua-duanya mami sayang...
+ kalo mami harus milih satu, mami pilih..siapa..? harus pilih satu mam...
- (......ooooooooooooooooohhh...GOD....)
- im really in a deep silent..

ada yang punya pengalaman sama?? mesti jawab apa sich..yang bijaksana tapi membesarkan hati anak, to make each of them special..to be honest..aku ngga jawab...just silent mode.

To my children :
you know that mum loves you so much..unconditionally.. Gifta you are my first baby..first baby alwalys special..and Nugra you complete me...I love you both with all my heart and soul.., no one loves you the way i do.. (sorry ayah..i think its true..he..he..)

Mami punya assistant handal ...

Ritual habis pulang kantor..langsung check-check..buku2 dan PR anak2.., try hard to be a good Mum (wink...) biasanya check punya kakak dulu.. (duch anak SD..kok pelajaran kayak gitu ya...)...done udah selesai..

Gantian punya Nugra... smile.., nugra juga udah bikin tanpa bantuan mami, tinggal check aja..lho..kok!! i was the second person who checked nugra's home work..who took over my job??? hhhmmm...it must've been ayah lah.. lho kok signature-nya gini..?? (we have to put our signature on the homework paper..its compulsory from school..)

while i was wondering....there was voice..

+ aku udah check homework ade..udah bener semua kok mam...
- trus ini tanda-tangan siapa?
+ iya trus aku tanda-tangan dech langsung disitu...
- oh terimakasih kakak.., bantuin mami ya..good girl..
(terharu dech bow..!!!)

So sweet...she was acting mum checking her brother homework...!! aduch mami sekarang udah punya assistant handal nich...thank you..kak..!!!

conversation that made me smile...part-1

Gramatical Vs Ethical
Gifta story-time : evening- set place : car

Gifta : in english class, my fren (she mentioned girl name) say like this..."the socks Mr. Danny
(teacher's name) is smelly)..." its not right..., right mum?
me : yes ... and its not nice and polite...
Gifta : ya...seharusnya kan..."Mr Danny's socks are smelly, why do you change your socks...."
me : ##%%&&&&&& (speechless...)

Nugrah Vs Ngalah..
TIS - evening - pick restor for dinner

we were in TIS for dinner as usual we let children decide the place to eat...

me : ok .. what do you want eat?
Gifta : i want that restaurant mum...i want eat noodles...
( she pointed Dutch resto...)
Nugra : i want pizza hut..
Gifta : bosen...pizza
Nugra : aku mau pizza...
me : ga berantem dech..you guys decide..
Gifta : ya udah lah..aku ngalah..
me : gitu dong pinter..
Nugra : aku juga dech ngalah...
me : waduh pinter juga nugra..jadi kita makan dimana nich kalo 2-2 nya ngalah...
Nugra : pizza hut..

Living in fear or Living in Peace...

One evening in Excelso Grand Indo, my two colleagues and me have casual business meeting, from business finally we jump also talk about family and life... children and problem.., from cap cay topic..brought the topic how often we got angry...??? i claimed that im very seldom got angry in terms of arguing or yelling... specially at home.., and my fren said thats probably you've not been in stage of facing something that you fear the most...

those line..going around my head have i been facing the problem that i fear the most?? what i fear the most?....so recently i have been facing that things..who did i react? ... oh yeah..like any other human being..panic, sad, frustrating...you name it, didnt want see anyone...escalating the work only the purpose of forgeting the problem..but it seems like a ghost chasing me around.., the question is why i could get angry...like my fren said, his theory was wrong or me being abnormal..not able to get angry..

everything so meaningless..., like all the worth thing has been taken away from me...which i know thats not true..i was lost, so i became living in a fear...that i would never ever dreamed about it. i came to my pray..i feel THORN..."Lord, this is me alone with my weakness and sin...i believe i have faith and love for YOU..but as i know that YOU love me even more..., please come rescue us..." but the only thing that i could hear in my faith is just..."LEAVE everything to ME and TRUST ME.." nothing more nothing less...

instead of living in fear..i choose living in Peace with HIM alone.., if HE allow all this thing happened i believe you have a great plan for me... like a mother of MOSES...She was a great mother...then here i am Lord with my weakness and sin..THANK YOU, its my great honor to serve you Lord. again THANK YOU..for your WISDOM and GUIDANCE...