Wisdom from my loved ones..

Saat terindah bersama keluarga adalah pada saat kita berkumpul, baik itu rekreasi atau kegiatan rutin yang setiap hari kita jalanin, yang pasti hampir setiap pagi yours trully selalu anter anak sekolah sebelum berangkat kerja, dan pulang kantor hampir pasti lagi kumpul bertiga belajar, atau sekedar bacain buku crita, hal yang rutin buat kakak, Ade dan mami ada aja yang bikin kesel, marah dan senyum, gembira macem2 deh..tapi lebih banyak gembira daripada senewen, dan sering kali kesempatan itu kita pakai buat bertukar cerita apa yang kita alami hari itu, meskipun jadi sering ngobrol daripada belajar. Banyak sekali yang kita bisa saling belajar, mami belajar sabar..hik..hik..which was very hard!! dan terus terang lebih banyak mami yang belajar sebenernya disini, "learn to be a better mum". Seperti misalnya percakapan2 anak2 yang genuine dan tak terduga yang pasti hasil olahan mendengar dari sekitarnya, seperti pada suatu malam :

Gifta : "Mum, Nugra is not only my brother, but he is also my best friend!"

(tapi pantun dari Kakak ngga sempet dibalas oleh adik, setelah selang berapa hari, ternyata masih ada di

memori sang adik pas acara gather-together-brushing-teeth-time, pantun itu terbalas juga ..)

Nugra : "kak, before you said Iam your best friend, and you are my friend too"
(double terharu deh dengernya..)

dan biasanya setelah itu, yours trully share sama ayah dan wajah ayah yang lagi capek pulang kantor itu langsung keliatan sumringah, senyum yang agak jarang terlihat itu langsung ear-to-ear...the fatigue feeling all gone just in a second deh pokoknya.

Kemaren mami yang suka nguping anaknya ngobrol, sebenernya buka suka nguping sih cuma suka denger aja, Kakak lagi ngobrol sama temennya yang lagi slept-over di rumah karna baru selesai test, entah apa yang lagi di critain terdengarlah kalimat-kalimat sakti, dari anak perempuan berumur 7 tahun ini ..

"nobody's perfect, but the most important thing is the attitude. My mum always say that"

dengan perasaan tercengang, bangga dan sekaligus terharu ternyata apa yang kita ucapkan tidak pernah menjadi sia-sia, anak-anak itu mendengar, dan berbagi dengan orang lain.., lain halnya dengan sang adik dia selalu mengulang kata-kata ini :

"aku tau mi, kalo adiknya harus hormat sama kakaknya dan kakaknya harus sayang sama adiknya"

kata2 ini sebenarnya aku ucapkan pada saat mereka mau tidur, atau pas mereka berantem karna sesuatu hal, dan ternyata hal ini seringkali diucapkan kembali oleh mereka, dan ketika mereka yang mengucapkan ini menjadi lebih dalem artinya ketimbang aku yang ucapin, kayak alat pengingat buat this lousy mum yang seringkali alpa untuk lebih berhati-hati terhadap setiap ucapan, dan berusaha mengeluarkan kata2 yang produktif, daripada kata2 akibat senewen....tarik napas, lepas. I believe Lord will guide me in this matter.


to : my Gifta and Nugra
your wisdom really made my days, mum learned lots from you. as we always, say we love each other, and be there for each other every now and then...God will help us to get through all the things ahead us! just keep the faith dear...

jakarta, 14 Dec 2009
im writing this notes, while im missing you guys so much..

why actually the woman should go to work?

Having learned some experience of a dear friend of mine who tragically stop working for some reason and regret it after that, and some celebrity gossip news on TV, how tragically they got divorce and husband got the custody of children...how so? little children they live separately from their mums..thats what happen. Im not playing "preaching-game" today maybe later...tomorrow :-), I just how misserable the mum and children both live separated...or probably the hubby also, but they are adult they make the decision..so thats it simple-but-complicated.



what i've been thinking in this kind of situation is that most reason that why those women have to work so hard for the family i dont know how hard but that the least that i got the impression from, thats including also the my dear friend. She worked so hard for the family, and i can say that she was the backbone, she went out of the island for like a month for the sake of "rejeki", and she did it in regular basis...till in the certain point that she felt very tired of being family back-bone, i dont know maybe she started to think of hhmm..."why should i be the one who responsible for the whole thing..or maybe I contribute to my family more than i should or more than my husband has done..or even my husband has done nothing but being my burden..."

During those time, She met other man with his all accessories that can charm any mid-age-woman.., she got trapped with those kinda-mumbo-lie-jumbo-story. I dont know exactly what happened but finally she decided to quit the job .... and tell everything to her hubby about her feeling....BUMP!! of course Husband got hurt, the wife got un-stable emotionally...and she said now its up to her hubby to support family life...she's tired thats all... she got 2 teenager by the way..



Make the story short, after a while the husband still cant got the job..she could not stay at home peacefully cause of she is worry of everything...and even more paranoid oohhh..dear, i wanna slap in her face actually but who am I? she started complaining that she got difficulty handle the children and so on..so on.....and she found herself not suitable just stay at home just be a house-wife.., now she's starting to hunt a new job....



I dont know how should i learn from this, the things is that i have a good reason why i should go to work...and Woman definetely cant afford mistake that it might happen concerning other man involved...(?) but anyway not to worrry to much I have Angels that GOD send to guard me day and night... GOD have Mercy on me....

Pohon Jambu ku..berkat ku...

Mungkin karo buat orang lain pohon jambu ini biasa ..aja just like any other pohon jambu, ini juga yang ada dalam pikiran kami (mewakili ayah juga nih crita nya..boleh ya yah..:-). Tapi menjadi sangat istimewa di dalam hidup kami setelah...kami tau bahan pohon jambu ini juga bisa menggambarkan salah satu berkat yang tercurah dalam hidup kami ...(be ready for a pretty serious..story ..:-)

Setelah 4 tahun jadi kontraktor..di daerah tebet.., kami sangat merindukan untuk memiliki tempat tinggal kami sendiri juga di daerah yang sama..karna kami sungguh jatuh cinta dengan daerah ini...dekat darimana2 tapi persoalannya adalah..rumah2 di daerah ini cukup mahal untuk ukuran kami..dan kami tidak punya cukup uang untuk membeli rumah secara 'cash'..tapi kami percaya apa yang mustahil bagi kami tidak ada yang mustahil bagi DIA yang menjadi sandaran hidup kami...

Kami mulai dengan minta kepada DIA...secara spesifik bahwa "kami sungguh2 menginginkan rumah tinggal di daerah tebet dengan luas begini..dan yang begini..kalo boleh begini-begini" dan kami yakin ..tetapi setelah berjalan melihat2 rumah2 itu hati kami agak kecut..melihat harga2 yang ada.., akhirnya standard kami turun..untuk memiliki reyot seperti apapun juga asal didaerah tebet....

Dan ternyata ... rumah reyot itu tidak di ijin kan DIA untuk kami miliki.., padahal kami pun mau kalo memang itu yang akan di berikan buat kami.., inilah DIA yang selalu memberikan terbaik buat kami. Singkat cerita kami diberikan rumah yang kami tempati saat ini dengan mujizat yang tidak berhenti dari proses pembelian sampe menjadi milik kami sekeluarga.., karna rumah kontrakan kami sudah mau habis..maka kami harus cepat2 pindah dengan melakukan sedikit renovasi yang seadanya..yang penting bersih dan beres..

Pada saat renovasi itu rumah penuh debu..pohon jambu didepan rumah kami yang pada awalnya akan di boyong oleh pemilik rumah sebelumnya (sudah dilakukan proses pencangkokan..)...menjadi sangat tidak terpelihara..semua daun menjadi rontok dan seperti mau mati..dan pada saat itu kami sangat tidak punya waktu untuk memikirkan pohon jambu itu..karna sibuk memikirkan beres2 rumah ...

Setelah rumah agak beres...kami mulai melihat pohon jambu itu berbunga dan berbuah sangat lebat..dan manis sekali rasanya.., sampe2 pemilik lama kaget..karna pohon jambu itu tidak pernah berbuah sebelumnya..(kayaknya dia sedih bangeeeet..), seolah2 pohon jambu itu "welcoming our family "...itu yang kami rasakan..

Sampai saat ini sudah hampir 3 tahun, kami tidak dapat menghitung berapa kali pohon jambu itu berbuah..seperti berkat Tuhan yang selalu turun atas kami lebat atau tidak lebat itu tidak menjadi masalah..tapi dia selalu berbuah buat kami...Seperti mengingatkan bahwa hidup kami juga harus berbuah seperti pohon jambu itu ...manis dan dapat dinikmati..paling tidak bagi orang2 terdekat kami...terimakasih Tuhan buat bahasa-bahasa Mu yang indah...bagi kami ..


Ps. sampe saat sy menulis ini jambu di foto ini masih dalam posisi tetap..ada yang mau?

Lousy Mum all right...

No matter how hard i tried to be a good Mum..still sad story indeed coming around in between managing my home and works..home means children and their activities ...it happened like yesterday

Gifta Mandarin Small Test Story..soon i knew that Gifta would have Mandarin small test, on the way back home from work i called one the mum that i believe a-very- reliable- source for any information related to school. She told me the material for test..would page 53 to 59 for the day after tomorrow, hhmmm...so i still have time then..i usually prepare vocabulary flash card that i made myself related to this page to help my girl to study not always..if still have time. On the way Ayah called that the children want McD for dinner, they didnt want to eat the whole day coz they were not feeling well...so then when ayah called, they asked for McD and Ayah was delegating to me..see the SOP really works here...what-a-busy-after-office-hour-duty :-)

with bag of Mc D, i got home Nugra's only want chips, Gifta some of chicken and rice..hhmm...they're not fully recovered from fever...so they still lost their appetite...i feel sad, tired yes but more to sad to see my lovely ones pada lemes begitu...i decided tomorrow Gifta doesnt have to go to school, Nugra has to go for Photo session...He was going to wear the Bali traditional Custom ..He's so excited..so then ok, that would be ok ..i think. The next day Gifta insisted to go to school, as usual i dropped off before ofis everything normal..until 10 o'clock i"m got a call from ita (one of the mums at school) that "nugra-muntah-muntah" di sekolah..."keliatannya lemes banget"...i feel like going home but i could not so i call my assistant to pick up my boy...., i called home my assistant said that he only wanted to eat apple didnt want anything else..i feel so frustrating that i couldn't be with him...

the story goes..sorry if its bored you to death, i tried to leave early but traffic put me in damage..i got home 7.30...straight to business.., see how's the kids doing..specially nugra...he didnt have fever but still "lemes-lemes", and he went to bed early with his dad..while Kakak would have test..so then had to prepare..there you go.. i got my flash card already "from -shua ya till yuan quan" if you know what i mean..starting.."brush teeth" then my girl say " shua ya".."fast" then my girl said "kuai".. i could see the Gifta was tired..she said mum i am tired.., i asked to sit in my lap..to continue.., still tired continue in bed..she got spirit you know..!! i am so proud of her...

In the morning, I walked with her to the class...its full already..i wanna make sure that she's all rite, she didnt make family tree home work i said its ok i would talk to her teacher... then i heard over two-mums conversation about mandarin small-test...it turned out the test was not from the page that we prepared but different..its from "the-worksheet"... WHAT!!!!!!

without invitation i joined the conversation.. "R u Sure??" yes.., what about page 55-59 ? i insist alias ngotot.."its homework" ..OMG...i felt really bad, i didnt how to react....just feeling guilty all over to my girl. i should have checked to other mum..but its too late...nothing i could about it..

i said sorry to my Gifta.., it was completely mum's fault ... it seems she didnt worry at all, i should learn from her...

this thing would not go away..its still going around in my head, i saw my watched it was 3 oclock oh my baby girl already home by now so then i called her..

+ hi Gifta..what are you doing?

- im doing my home-work mum..its math

+ so how's your test today? can you do it?

- hhhmm..kayaknya sih ngga bisa... (with-no-regret-tone)

+ its ok lah..maafin mami ya..

- ok mum..

most important thing ...that she is all right..!! but still I am a lousy mum all right!!!

Kangen...

Kangen..banget dech sama kakak juga adek.., kangen ini makin membuncah..ceile membuncah kayak ombak, pada saat teringat kita ngomel2 ke mereka..terutama sama kakak pas belajar.., kenapa ya..aku kok ngga bisa lebih sabar ke anak2...??? meskipun udah di coba...sabar tapi tetep senewen..

yang ada kalo inget jadi merasa bersalah ngga karu2an...sedih, kangen ...pengen cepet pulang..mau minta maaf..

Maafin mami ya kak..., mami ngga marah2 lagi dech...

Pokoknya mami ngaku dech mami yang salah!!! kakak kan pasti cuma niru..cetak ayah ato mami..

Mami janji dech..bantuin mami ya..biar ngga marah-marah lagi, biar jadi mami yang baik dan bijaksana...

Love,
mami

Perjuangan hidup...?

Sekarang lagi musim penawaran 50% diskon untuk makan di resto-resto baik yang di mall atopun yang bukan...jadi memicu orang untuk makan...dengan harga yang murah..meskipun mahal karna memang restonya juga mahal.. Siang ini temenku mau traktir makan di Tony Romas karena ada promosi 50% untuk kartu kredit tertentu..yang ternyata orang2 pada antri..dan kalo pake kartu itu baru dapet seat buat makan 1 jam kemudian yang artinya kita harus berdiri 1jam hanya untuk makan ??????... %#***&&&**** (apa tuch artinya!!!)... buat aku pribadi ogah amat......, ternyata temenku si penraktir yg akan terbebani biaya makan siang itu..juga tidak sudi..., jadi lebih baik dia bayar full daripada harus antri...ha..ha...akhirnya berhasilah itu promosi resto mencapai tujuan..., karna masih ada quota meja buat pelanggan yg mau membayar lebih banyak :-( .... tanpa berusaha menyalahkan..thats' business, right? Perjuangan orang mau makan? thats not perjuangan pastinya ya..karna hanya memenuhi keinginan lidah dan perut bukan kebutuhan...

Akhirnya kita makan, dan selesai cepat2 karna harus ber-empati sama orang2 yang ngantri di luar...masak kita enak2 ngobrol sementara banyak orang nunggu seat kita di luar panas2 (cukup panas lah..di wahid hasyim secara dihalaman gitu...) dan alhasil..assisten yg suka antar jemput kita (me and children) belum masih selesai jemput anak2, akhirnya..cegat taxi, and back to office...trus apa crita judul perjuangan...? tunggu dulu dech..

Pas masuk taxi "tarif lama", bilang selamat siang pak..."taxi driver" jawab dengan suara lembut "selamat siang bu..." LHO! wanita rupanya, for the very first time for me..to know for real taxi driver lady... dan aku jadi penumpangnya.., tidak gender hanya merasa agak surprise dan merasa apa ya...bingung lah menggambarkannya..

aku panggil "mbak" ke ibu supir taxi ini...mulai lah..aku membuka percakapan..karna ingin tau ato usil..beti lah..beda-beda tipis...

+ mbak, udah lama jadi supir taxi?

- udah bu, lumayan 1 tahun...

+ emang banyak ya supir taxi perempuan (yg bener perempuan apa wanita sich?...tau ah)

- banyak kok bu..

+ trus ngga takut? kalo2 ada orang jahat naik taxi mbak?

- engga lah udah biasa..

+ tapi kan narik kalo siang doang ya..., ngga sampe malem kan?

- engga bu 24 jam, karna ngejar setoran..kayak sekarang saya baru keluar siang..nanti saya

sampe jam 12 ato jam malam trus istirahat jam 6 pagi jalan lagi sampe siang..

masih dengan pikiran "how brave this woman on the street...at night...." masih nanya lagi..

+ ngga takut ya mbak...malem-malem gitu...

- engga bu, tadinya sich suka capek dan sampe sakit tipus, tapi sekarang 1 hari ngga kerja

ngga betah...habis gimana bu..cari kerjaan kan susah sekarang.., ngga dapat kerjaan..

+ iya lah..mbak tapi tetep harus hati-hati ya..

ini bener2 lho dari hatiku yang terdalem... :-(

Percakapan masih berlanjut sebenernya dia diterima jadi supir bus-way cuma SIM mesti bikin yang untuk bis, crita setoran, penghasilan dan kisah2 lain masih terus .... sampe aku turun di gedung kantor ku ..., sepanjang ngobrol itu aku masih belum bisa menerima wanita.. dengan pekerjaan yg penuh resiko itu..entah ya.., bukan aku secara sebagai wanita minta dikasihani..hanya saja... secara alami malam2 ditengah jalan..istirahat/tidur didalam taxi malam2 di jalan..rasanya gimana gitu, tapi mungkin itulah Perjuangan hidup?

Setelah itu aku jadi malu ama diri sendiri dan TUHAN yg telah memberikan begitu banyak buat aku dan keluargaku tapi aku masih suka ngeluh.., masih merasa perlu pernyataan tentang diri sendiri dari orang lain..yang bener2 itu ngga penting.., masih kepingin beli ini itu...aduch TUHAN ampuni aku...Have mercy on me... i was so blind ... i know that im a lucky woman...turned out i know that im a verrrrrrrrrry..lucky one..., THANK YOU... THANK YOU... forgive me for mis-behaved which must be very annoying .... to YOU.

Dear Lord,

please Bless the taxi driver ladies wherever they are.., send your Angels to protect them from evil along the way ... and bless their Family, and give them other jobs if possible so then they could stay at home during the night, specially the ones who have children to support ... Lord, Thank you for listening to my prayer and theirs. Ameen.

Reminder to myself.....

this morning, i went to the office with no motivation which i know if keep on going this mambo-jumbo-drama-queen feeling it will become self-pitty ... then i decided to give myself REMINDER ...

• Lean everything on GOD's plan not with your own understanding ... you and your intellegency (if you think you have but actually you dont) are nothing before HIM ... totally completely surender..that's smartest thing to do
• dont even try to do something which belongs to GOD's portion, ... even you think you've been hurt until your very soul, no need to ridicule.. no need to complain stay still and do your part... forgive, forget and move on...just be grateful..
• dont make your-self like a fool ... appreciate and love yourself by doing something smart...

Lord, thank YOU for everything....

thank YOU for taking care of us everyday without fail ...

thank YOU for loving us...

Lord, YOU are more than anything,

more than gold more than anything

Lord, YOU are everything to me,

i will never let YOU go, never ever let YOU go..

Everybody was young once....

about 2 weeks ago, we accidentally got life lesson to think of...about what we've done in our life..was it enough, enough in terms of doing a good deed...sharing, caring, loving..either to family/frens or to someone that we didnt even know... to the needy for instance. Im not talking about money or things.. that we put aside every month or year..but our time..or whatever simple things that we share with others, giving not from the left-over...

It was Sunday, we dropped our girl to her fren's house juz near the house... the road was narrow in our neighbourhood... (Tebet belakang gitu lho!!!), we were going to drive away..but there was motor-cycle stopped in road juz few metres in front of us and I didnt know whether it was public or private (maksud gue..ojek apa bukan gitu..) then we had to wait untill this guy finished to drop his "penumpang" ..who's very old and handicapped coz I saw his iron stick....we wait for 5 minutes..he couldnt get off from the motor-cycle, and it seemed that this old man didnt get any help.. and wait for another 5 minutes.. still could not..then I made conclusion..that this man definetely need help, so then I told ayah that we should help him...instead of juz waiting in the car.., make the story short...then we got off the car...

Oh..It was really breaking my heart to see this old Man, he was so powerless..and weak, we tried to bang door gate but no sign that someone would open it from inside so then decided to open them ... and knocked the door for this old Man..we found out finally..it was his house, and a young Man finally opened the door and handed him over..and we left...

In the car, we were in silent, we remembered our folks...specially our father..we're so thankful there is somebody who takes care of our fathers everyday and there will be always somebody around them whenever they need.. (father from both sides..quite old ayah's around 70 years and mine over 80 years old...). I told ayah that Old Man must be handsome when He was young..I could see that (my expertise...wink!!) and probably wealthy enough for the house is quite big ... or even probably carrying golf club every week end..browsing golf course all over the place with his buddys as hobby...when he was in the prime age..(not try to judge people..juz my imagination..). Ayah gave no comment as ussual...I believed He was busy with his mind..his face looked sad...

It's juz a picture for all us as a Human being...Everybody was young once right...and Everybody will grow old for sure....... the Question went around-around..in my head what should we do now so then we can spend our old days happily with our children and grand or even with our grand-grand children...when we grow old. I dont have the answer as my life is not perfect either far away from perfect, what I can do now..juz give my smile and try to do my best...and be happy for what I am.. I believe whatever was coming from 'ABOVE' is the best for me and also for my family...

Have a good life everyone.....!!! Love and show your loving care to your loved ones while you can....

How the simple life can be...

Time goes fast without even realizing what we have done in year 2007, its already end of December 2007. I've been trying hard to remember what significant thing that I've achieved in 2007... trying so hard... definitely I end-up with nothing ..., what I remember was only lesson, lesson and another lesson ...and My life is just like journey of learning process which never end I feel completely happy about it...

the Kaleidoscopes 2007...

• January 2007- Nothing really special that I could recall...just enjoy doing my work.
• February 2007- Being another February in the year..
• March 2007 - Twice Nasi Kuning as the menu, one for Ayah at 16 and one for Nugra at 25, and my boy's celebrating with his friends at school with Spider-Man Cake, Kentucky and goodie bags (merchandise - cookies - candies & friends) ... he was so happy .., it made me even happier
• April 2007 - Another year older ... didnt get any gift, but for sure I had everything I need in life...my LORD - my SAVIOUR, family, frens, love and work ... (free to laugh..)
• May 2007 - Another May in the year I guess...or someone's day I might say...
• June 2007 - Almost school holiday, school exams season...
• July 2007 - Relationship was being tested... and passed not because we were strong only because of GRACE and HIS BLESSING ...(thank you LORD for being so good to our family), Nasi Kuning for Gifta at 13, celebrating with her friends at school as her brother, She also brought birthday cake, food and goodie bag...another happy day of my life being a Mom...Activities on school holiday : Pulang kampung Poros Jakarta-Magelang-Jogjakarta-Purwokerto-Jakarta
• August 2007 - Dirgahayu Indonesia..., and the sweet things ...hhmm..better not tell..wink..wink..wink...
• September 2008 - a Big lesson I got, "back-stabbing story" which I thought only happens in other world not in mine ... I was completely shocked for like in a month, so furious and living in anger, those feelings made me even worse..
• October 2007 - Self-acceptance, ego-buried, put-self together...,self-forgiving, forgive&forget, "life is only ibadah" philosophy. Activities : Pulang kampung for Hari Raya Idul Fitri Poros Jakarta-Purwokerto-Jogjakarta-Magelang-Jakarta.
• November 2007 to-be-happy and healthy-decision, starting having proper and healthy meal...but failed all the time...(as always...)
• December 2007 Learn "how to shut-up and do my best" in all any kind of issue...

You can see that my life is so simple and ordinary? but still beautiful to remember...so much things to share..

To my children :

From here Mom knows that our life is very simple and ordinary, and I admit that I tend to remember the bad things instead of the good ones, and spent too much on negative thought..which useless and wasted... at this point we can learn so much, just be grateful for we are, and its okay being failed.. don't be loser.. "Yesterday was a lesson, Today is a reality, Tomorrow is a hope"...Keep the faith...my love..