Lousy Mum all right...

No matter how hard i tried to be a good Mum..still sad story indeed coming around in between managing my home and works..home means children and their activities ...it happened like yesterday

Gifta Mandarin Small Test Story..soon i knew that Gifta would have Mandarin small test, on the way back home from work i called one the mum that i believe a-very- reliable- source for any information related to school. She told me the material for test..would page 53 to 59 for the day after tomorrow, hhmmm...so i still have time then..i usually prepare vocabulary flash card that i made myself related to this page to help my girl to study not always..if still have time. On the way Ayah called that the children want McD for dinner, they didnt want to eat the whole day coz they were not feeling well...so then when ayah called, they asked for McD and Ayah was delegating to me..see the SOP really works here...what-a-busy-after-office-hour-duty :-)

with bag of Mc D, i got home Nugra's only want chips, Gifta some of chicken and rice..hhmm...they're not fully recovered from fever...so they still lost their appetite...i feel sad, tired yes but more to sad to see my lovely ones pada lemes begitu...i decided tomorrow Gifta doesnt have to go to school, Nugra has to go for Photo session...He was going to wear the Bali traditional Custom ..He's so excited..so then ok, that would be ok ..i think. The next day Gifta insisted to go to school, as usual i dropped off before ofis everything normal..until 10 o'clock i"m got a call from ita (one of the mums at school) that "nugra-muntah-muntah" di sekolah..."keliatannya lemes banget"...i feel like going home but i could not so i call my assistant to pick up my boy...., i called home my assistant said that he only wanted to eat apple didnt want anything else..i feel so frustrating that i couldn't be with him...

the story goes..sorry if its bored you to death, i tried to leave early but traffic put me in damage..i got home 7.30...straight to business.., see how's the kids doing..specially nugra...he didnt have fever but still "lemes-lemes", and he went to bed early with his dad..while Kakak would have test..so then had to prepare..there you go.. i got my flash card already "from -shua ya till yuan quan" if you know what i mean..starting.."brush teeth" then my girl say " shua ya".."fast" then my girl said "kuai".. i could see the Gifta was tired..she said mum i am tired.., i asked to sit in my lap..to continue.., still tired continue in bed..she got spirit you know..!! i am so proud of her...

In the morning, I walked with her to the class...its full already..i wanna make sure that she's all rite, she didnt make family tree home work i said its ok i would talk to her teacher... then i heard over two-mums conversation about mandarin small-test...it turned out the test was not from the page that we prepared but different..its from "the-worksheet"... WHAT!!!!!!

without invitation i joined the conversation.. "R u Sure??" yes.., what about page 55-59 ? i insist alias ngotot.."its homework" ..OMG...i felt really bad, i didnt how to react....just feeling guilty all over to my girl. i should have checked to other mum..but its too late...nothing i could about it..

i said sorry to my Gifta.., it was completely mum's fault ... it seems she didnt worry at all, i should learn from her...

this thing would not go away..its still going around in my head, i saw my watched it was 3 oclock oh my baby girl already home by now so then i called her..

+ hi Gifta..what are you doing?

- im doing my home-work mum..its math

+ so how's your test today? can you do it?

- hhhmm..kayaknya sih ngga bisa... (with-no-regret-tone)

+ its ok lah..maafin mami ya..

- ok mum..

most important thing ...that she is all right..!! but still I am a lousy mum all right!!!

Ade paksa kakak senyum...

Lho kakak kok cemberut sih?? ayoo senyum dong kak...

Nugra..ayo dong bilang kakak senyum..

sesuai instruksi..nugra "ask" kakak to smile...

"ayooooooooo kakak Gifta senyum...ayo kak...." kata nugra membujuk setengah memaksa...:)

"Kakak udah senyum nich..ayoo cepet di foto"

berhasil..dech misi nugra bikin kakak senyum..

look at their smile..very look a like..dont you think?

Kangen...

Kangen..banget dech sama kakak juga adek.., kangen ini makin membuncah..ceile membuncah kayak ombak, pada saat teringat kita ngomel2 ke mereka..terutama sama kakak pas belajar.., kenapa ya..aku kok ngga bisa lebih sabar ke anak2...??? meskipun udah di coba...sabar tapi tetep senewen..

yang ada kalo inget jadi merasa bersalah ngga karu2an...sedih, kangen ...pengen cepet pulang..mau minta maaf..

Maafin mami ya kak..., mami ngga marah2 lagi dech...

Pokoknya mami ngaku dech mami yang salah!!! kakak kan pasti cuma niru..cetak ayah ato mami..

Mami janji dech..bantuin mami ya..biar ngga marah-marah lagi, biar jadi mami yang baik dan bijaksana...

Love,
mami

Mengapa kau meninggalkan ku...

sebuah perjuangan untuk memiliki mu baik mental maupun spiritual..apa iya betul engkau cukup berharga untuk di miliki..., warna merah yang begitu menarik perhatian ku. Kalo boleh terus terang.... aku tidak benar2 memerlukan ..bahasa gaul "ga butuh-butuh amat dech!" tapi kau tau kan waktu itu aku lagi stress jadi perlu pelampiasan...yang sehat.. :-)

Dengan segala pertimbangan akhirnya ..kukeluarkan dompet ku demi dirimu.., dengan bangga aku memilki mu...meskipun sebenarnya kurang cocok dengan penampilan ku yang jauh dari mewah..tapi tak apa habis gimana dong aku sudah kadung jatuh cinta padamu..

Tapi mengapa oh mengapa (dangdut banget ngga sich?).. engkau begitu cepat menghilang...baru aku tarok di ruang tamu kantor orang..trus langsung menghilang tanpa bekas, tanpa pengakuan satupun pernah melihat...masa kau begitu magic sih...!! tapi maafin aku dech aku yang teledor mungkin yang "menemukan mu" jauh membutuhkan dirimu dari aku...apapun alasannya...

aku sering merindukan mu.., tapi untuk berjuang memiliki mu kembali...no thank you...!!!!!!!! O2-life punya ayah...sudah jadi pelipur lara ku....jadi dont get the wrong idea, nothing personal..its completely something to do with my wallet..thats all... bye my dear...sorry i lost you..

my dream

Kita pasti punya keinginan ya.. , impian lah..lebih persisnya meskipun kadang-kadang keinginan kita berubah-ubah terus ngikutin situasi hati ato mood. yours trully ini biangnya ganti-ganti keinginan alias labil..sebentar kepengen ini sebentar pengen itu..alhasil nyontek istilah "efa" nich pesenannya ngga dateng2..kayak kita dateng ke restoran nich pesen bakmi goreng..eh ga jadi deng nasi goreng aja..eh ngga jadi soto ayam kayaknya enak nich..udah di catet apa si pelayan berubah lagi..jadi nasi rames... ( ini pasti di warteg dech bukan restoran!!)..kata si pelayan capeeeeeeeeeeeeekkk..dech..

Konon kabarnya kalo demikian keinginan kalo berubah-rubah...ya itu persis kayak cerita di warteg itu ngga terwujud-wujud, nach cerita dari itu maka si mami labil ini pengen "wannabestableperson" yang tau apa yang di kepengenin..dengan diskusi sana diskusi sini...maksud nya ngrumpi sana ngrumpi sini!! baca sana baca sini, akhirnya bikin dech apa yang pengen di capai..dengan rentang waktu berapa lama (caielllllllllleeeeeeeee....suit-suit...), dan kira apa yang mesti di lakukan...ketemulah rumus keinginan 4/4 5K (efa you must know what i mean...we set up this for pretty some time right...?) dan sekarang gimana cara achieve-nya nich...

katanya gini-gini..ngga boleh nyerah..."dont-ever-give-up-dont-ever-quit-motto"..praktek dech nich critanya.., keliatannya di awal2 waduch keliatannya lancar nich .. bakal bisa nich...lho..kok tersendat-tersendat, ngga boleh nyerah..., terus ... maju...kok jadi capek banget dan keteteran nich..wah something wrong kayaknya...terlalu ngotot ampe badan pegel sana pegel sini...apa iya mesti begini nich...?

Kenapa susah ya..?? apa yang aku kepengen ngga ada di menu?? ah masa sih ngga ada di menu? kan masih di dunia...pasti ada lah ya..., pasti satu titik kesimpulan..yang masih belum tersimpul.., i just let it flow, but the dream's still there...

very simple dream...wanna have more time with my children, have time to take care of the house and dear hubby (hubby first? confusing :-) ... recently i felt guilty leaving my children all alone only with our assistants...specially when they are growing up now they need even more attention from me their mum...accompany them doing their home works instead of only checking ..while they were ready to go to bed... :( for some people maybe its not a big deal..but it is for me..so this is my dream for me...a strong one, a very strong or strongest one i guess among any other dream....

is it just me...or its a normal having this feeling...?

Thank you for the friendship...

The only reason that i put this picture is just to say thank you to all my friends at previous office which i share experience so much with them both personally and professionally. It was just like yesterday that i saw you guys everyday...sharing everything as a team, having lunch...hhmm..lot of places..Mie Ayam bawah, Sate ..Bakso di Block S, Padang Uni Taraso..Warung ijo..hhhmm...never been there i always refused to come..i always have a good reason for that " mendingan makan di rumah gue..."..and last but not least Paregu....(kapan nich...?)

Times goes so fast, i had to make the decision..it was really hard but its more about choices..life is about choices right? Leaving you guys was very difficult..the place-where-everyone-knows-my-name, where- i-have-unofficial-mom's-club (enny...yully you are always in my heart ..i love you and i miss the time that we shared together!!) and at the same time i could work professionally and get paid (what's more important than that?)..but things had been changed whether we like it or not..but anyway..there will never be a good reason to end the friendship...

Iam not sure if you read this..but i'd like to....

thank you for your friendship...

thank you for your support during difficult time

thank you for your Love..

thank you for laugh and cry with me...

and

last but not least thank you for home theatre ....

we all enjoy the farewell present....

I love you....

Pertanyaan yang tak dapat terjawab...

Tadi malem..pas lagi belajar sama si kakak.., ade bebas dech tuh..karna memang masih TK ya de' masa mau belajar..he..he..

si kakak tanya dech sama mami...

+ mami sayang kakak ngga?
- sayang dong..masa tanya gitu?
+ sayang mana nugra apa kakak?
- dua-duanya mami sayang...
+ kalo mami harus milih satu, mami pilih..siapa..? harus pilih satu mam...
- (......ooooooooooooooooohhh...GOD....)
- im really in a deep silent..

ada yang punya pengalaman sama?? mesti jawab apa sich..yang bijaksana tapi membesarkan hati anak, to make each of them special..to be honest..aku ngga jawab...just silent mode.

To my children :
you know that mum loves you so much..unconditionally.. Gifta you are my first baby..first baby alwalys special..and Nugra you complete me...I love you both with all my heart and soul.., no one loves you the way i do.. (sorry ayah..i think its true..he..he..)